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Talking Home Improvement

Words & Music by Charlie Maguire © Mello-Jamin Music. All rights reserved.

A talking blues about the perils of "doing it yourself." As spring melds into summer and the sound of power saws and hammering join (and drown out) the bird calls, we home owners know the season is here once again. Take my advice. Listen to this song then go out and hire a professional, then go back to work to get the money to pay them.

Play Sample

Verse:
G                     C
Now gather around this won't take long
D
"Talking Home Improvement" is the name of this song
G                        C            D
Do it yourself, and many try, as soon the ink on the deed is dry
G
They can't wait!
C                                     D
Catastrophic Carpentry is what I call it

ThatŐs when you learn that wood is sold by the foot
                                   G
And ends up costing an arm and a leg!

I don't know much about it myself
But I work on my home like everyone else
I feel like a sheriff in an outlaw town, I've got a hammer on each hip when I walk around
Just like in the movies
"All right water heater, this house ain't big enough for the both of us. Ok, chimney...draw!"

When I've got to fix something I'm not scared
I have this great big book on home repair
Cost me sixteen dollars and it weighs ten pounds
But I'm saving money, they told me down at the hardware store
They know me on sight down there
I save hundreds of dollars there every week!

I've got a power sander, a power saw, a power drill, and a whole lot more
And every time I plug them in
My electric meter starts to grin
Sure saves me time though
I can make twice as many mistakes
I am a home owner, and I do it over
Look out you carpenters!

On the weekends if I'm not too tired
I take a trip down to the lumber yard
Walk through the sheds, and down the aisles
Buy stuff for my domicile
There is a whole bunch of us down there
Bandages on our hands, blisters, all milling around
Trying to find someone who knows what they're doing!

So if you miss me hanging around
You'll find me up in my part of town
Sanding a floor, putting up a shelf
Learning to do it all myself--
With a two-by-four, and a four-by-ten
Tuck point, baseboard, weatherstripping
Screwdriver, sheet rock, bit and brace
Nail set, hammer, chisel, hacksaw blade
Zip Strip, miter box, pencil line
And the banker says it will all be mine,
In about 30 years time...Whoopie!
I ought to have the kitchen done by then!
Then I can go out and mow the lawn!


Previous Songs: Fine Old Lady * The Teton Dam * Goodnight Baby * The B. C. Rail * Play Us a Waltz * Ozawindib * Long Way to Another Friend * Itasca: A Place of Beginnings * I'm From Minnesota * The Strike Is On * The C.C.C. * Interstate of Broken Hearts * Rainfall Has Turned to Snow * Gypsy Woody * We'd Go To Town (And Go Dancing) * Towboat * L'Etoile Du Nord * The Hinkley Fire * Darling * Fine Old Lady * Sam Smith * Getting In The Cows * The Ballad of Augie Mattsen * Itasca * Fall Is Here * When's That Train A'Coming? * I Like It Here/Oh Cold And Misery * Winter on the Farm * Light the River * Rivertown

This month's song


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